


sit together

by imnotsureaboutanyofthis



Series: phone calls or smth like that [1]
Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, bonding over smoking, i cant write, small changes but still, soft bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-27 20:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21124562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotsureaboutanyofthis/pseuds/imnotsureaboutanyofthis
Summary: "That's when you know someone is good to you. When you can just... sit together, shut the hell up and watch the universe do its own thing."or how one shared smoke with long lost mother brought sweet memories and painful realizations.





	1. Chapter 1

Evening sunlight was bringing him comforting heat. It felt so much different compared to the heat of the desert, as his burned skin on the back of his neck, arms and face (or the whole head, his almost freshly shaved skull lacked protection from the sun) was reminding him every time he would rub it on anything. Even sleeves of his t-shirt caused pain in his shoulders when moving too much. Shit, even the shower he took a while ago was kinda painful when water poured over his body the first time. Although, it seemed like every single fucking thing was bringing pain to his body, as sun wasn't the only thing that left its mark on him. Everytime when he would look into his reflection or simply brush against his ribs, he would hear that racist dickhead's voice in his head. _Fucking bastard, fuck him and his "property", like anyone would want to own a fucking piece of that shitload of a desert, racist piece of..._

"Sean?" Karen's voice interrupted his thoughts and he realized, his whole body tensed, fingers clenched into fists. Right, he wasn't sitting here alone. He was in a middle of something. Deeply painful talk with Karen, with a woman he was supposed to hate with all his guts, but yet, there he was. Sitting with her outside their motel room, teaming up to find Daniel. Talking, telling stories and listening to each other... this wasn't definitely the most casual catching up with a family member, there was no doubt about it. Still, as they kept listening, he couldn't find the same hatred for her as in the past. He couldn't forgive her either. All of it was just too fucking difficult for him right now... but he agreed when she said they needed to talk this over if they were to succesfully work together and rescue Daniel from an actual fucking cult-leader.

"It's nothing... Just thinking" he responded, a bit more sharply than he intended. For a second he thought about apologizing for it, but he quickly reminded himself that Karen did not deserve anything from him... Maybe he was starting to understand her quite a lot, to his own surprise, but still, he wouldn't just bow his head and humiliate himself like that. Without Daniel, those little scraps of pride and confidence he had left were everything he had. Without Daniel... and without Finn.

Karen didn't seem offended at all, and he found it relieving, even though he pretended to not care. Then she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and Sean felt an almost desperate need for a smoke. At first, he hesitated. She was not his friend, not at all. For now, they shared a destination in their separate journeys, they had to save Daniel. Speaking to her opened some old wound again... and brought him peace as well. And right now there were two things he needed the most - some peace and a damn cig. _Fuck it, she definitely owes me a cig, _he thought as he turned to face her.

"Hey, um..." he started, very cautious. He pretended that this was just a simple thing, that this was just about a single smoke, but deep inside he knew that it was another step in rebuilding their broken relationship. He wasn't sure how much of it he wanted to restore... but it felt right to try. "...mind if I bum a smoke?"

She just took a quick glance at him before responding. "Sure." she said, reaching for the pack again. "Still got a few left." she added, as if to make it more casual. But he heard this... softness in her voice. It was soothing. He grabbed one cigarette and she offered him the lighter, but he automatically refused, reaching for his own. The one that previously belonged to his dad.

"Wow, haven't seen that lighter in ages... your dad loved that thing." he heard, as he finally took a first puff. _Oh god, I needed that._ A smile appeared on his face when she recognized the lighter. It was... nice to have someone to talk about Dad. With Daniel it was sometimes to painful, the guilt buried deep withing both of them making it almost impossible to recall the good memories sometimes. And even though seeing Karen brought the memories of how hearthbroken Dad was after she left, it kept bringing so much more of the happy little moments the longer they kept talking.

"I know. Only thing I have left of his..." his voice almost cracked at the end, but he didn't feel as much need to hide it from her now. After all, she wasn't a stranger, wasn't hostile. _After all, she is still our fa... No. No, to soon._ Once again he turned his head away. They both puffed in silence for a moment.

"Oh man, Esteban hated when I smoked" she spoke once again, the sentiment in her voice hinting old memories returning to her mind as well. "He didn't want me to die an early death..."

It stinged. It seemed like she felt that too.

"Fuck... Life can be so cynical, sometimes..." she added. He couldn't agree less.

"I remember he would smoke, sometimes... Long ago" he said before he could think of what he was doing. As they kept smoking, the weight of all the shit he went throught started to... vanish. Not for long, he supposed. But right now, it felt good to be lost in the memories about someone so dear to him... with someone who felt the same. He believed her now. Believed she loved Dad.

"We didn't fight much, but when we did I would go out on the porch and light up so I could calm down" she said, and Sean smiled softly again. _Quite relatable_. "Estaban would come over and ask for a drag. Then we would just look up at the sky and watch the stars or the planes... I do miss that" she continued. He recognized that tone in her voice again. It was the kind of longing he felt for the peaceful moments with Lyla, back in Seattle... or those sweet evenings with Finn. These felt both sweet and bitter, actually.

"I used to do the same thing with my best friend, Lyla." he started, feeling the urge to share the memory. "Smoking on the porch, just letting time go"

"That's when you know someone is good to you. When you can just... sit together, shut the hell up and watch the universe do its own thing."

Once again, he couldn't agree more. He missed that feeling so he just... tried. Or let his wicked fate try and see if it could make it happen for him and Karen. if it would let them just sit together.

And it did.

He just watched the sky and the mountains. The cars in the parking lot. Everything almost motionless, like the time decided to just take a breath before running past them again. _Or take a puff_.

His gaze followed his ears, as he heard the water in the pool. Sunlight glistening in small, almost non-existent movements on the surface reminded him of the lake back in California. Of how he would sit by it with Finn, sharing a cig or a joint and just... letting the weight of their lives just slip from their backs for a while. They could spent hours just sitting, or talking about things of small matter, or joking, having fun in the most simple way.

_No. don't think about it._

He recalled how mess around with him, calling him hot. Calling him "sweetheart"... his sweetheart.

_Enough. It's gone and you know it. Just shut up._

They arms would just lightly brush against one another, barely noticable. But he would notice every single time. As well as every breath on his shoulder, his cheek when Finn would move closer, so casually and yet so meaningfully. Finn would even let a simple pat on the back last those few precious seconds longer, he would look right into his eyes with this look of his. Daring, but also soft. Confident but with enough space for a hopeful question and a bit of nervous doubt. If he would only notice it sooner... There were so many things they could do together.

Heat on his fingers alarmed him and he quickly extinguished the philter of the cig. The peace was gone, all the weight has returned to his body, keeping him on the bench.

_Just stand up. Say you should go back inside. There is much to be done today and tommorow._ He tried to convince himself, to make himself move. But he couldn't. _Get up, Sean, for fuck's sake. It's the past. There's nothing you can fucking do, it's all gone now, it's..._

A quiet sob escaped his mouth and he freezed. He felt Karen stiff as well. He hid his face in his hands, feeling the gaze on his eye. _Just ignore me and head back inside. Don't try to comfort me_, he almost threatend her in his thoughts. But he said nothing. He didn't move away. He just tried with all his might to not let another sob out.

There was a different kind of silence now. He could feel Karen nervously think how to react. He couldn't say he knew what he wanted her to do. He had no idea who she was to him now, if he trusted her enough. He felt a movement, thourgh his fingers he saw a shade of a hand hovering somewhere between them, like it was not sure what to do. Pat him on the back? Offer a sidehug? Maybe turn back and awkwardly scratch her behind the neck?

"Sean" she spoke, slowly. Her voice was calm again, but it wasn't enough to soothe him like before. Not now. "Is it about this friend of yours? Lyla?" she continued carefully.

_Say nothing. Tell her to leave you alone. She doesn't deserve to know any single fucking thing about you and your life, she wouldn't even understa-_

"No-I mean, yes, but..." he stuttered with a shaky voice. He took a deep breath, feeling Karen waiting patiently for him. He... could appreciate that in her. "I think I told you before, about California? Me and Daniel met some people that took as in. Kinda... And there was one..." he fell quiet again._ Oh fuck it, like she would care about Finn being a guy. _Also, he already kinda came out to his Dad. In a dream, but still...

"Finn. Fean was one of them, I mean... He was... We were... I..." he slowly turned towards Karen again, letting his hands down finally. She listened with caution, not reaction so far. "We were close. I don't exatly know how, but we spent so much time together back then, and Daniel looked up to him so much, which was irritating at first, but I couldn't really blame him, andwe were often sitting by the lake, only the two of us, just... sitting there, as you said before, and last night we talked, before the... the heist, and then we... we..." his voice started to crack again. There was a small part of him pointing out how horribly embarassed he would feel about talking this much about Finn to Karen later, but he couldn't care about it now.

Karen's expression was still calm, no sign of surprise, confusion, anything. _Didn't she get that me and Finn... _No, that was not it. She knew, but apparently she wasn't shocked by it. He was kinda... disappointed with the lack of reaction.

"I understand, Sean. If you're fine with telling me more about him, I would like to hear it. It may make it... easier" she said, reassuring but not too careful. He didn't feel like he thought he was fragile or anything. She seemed just very... understanding.

"I... I'm fine. With tell you more" he stated after a while. She reached to him and he for a second he was scared she wanted to hold his hand or something like that... but she was offering him another cigarette. He pulled on out and nodded as she did the same. As they reached for lighters, he managed to speak again. "I just miss him so much... Trimming was hard and the work on the farm was really fucking stressfull, but then Finn would just take me to the lakeside and all of it would seem so much... easier. Then we would smoke together, or drink or whatever. And everything would feel so weightless... I miss him so fucking much"

There were tears threatening to fall down his cheaks. He didn't really care at this point, though it felt itchy in his left... eyelids.

"Memories like that are precious, Sean. Keep them in mind. Let them come back to you, to bring you peace... Even if they can feel bitter sometimes" Karen said.

"I... They do, sometimes. Especially because I feel like... If only I had more courage, we could" he stopped to take a puff and find the right words. "We could... There were so many things we could do together. If only I noticed sooner... Maybe I could stop both of them from going to that farm. And we would still be to-" his voice cracked again at that and he took a moment to calm down. "We could sit by the like now, together"

"What happened to him at the farm? Is he..." she asked and he shook his head quickly.

"He's alive. He was injured, like me... I'm actually not exactly sure how big is the damage, but couldn't walk last time I saw him. And he wasn't free from cops as well"

"So you've met after the... accident? They've allowed you to visit?"

"No, not at all. Bastards didn't even tell me that he was in the same fucking hospital, just two floors down... We spoke when I was on my way... out of the hospital. I found him completely by accident a-and he... He couldn't go with me. I told him that maybe we would se each other again... But now I have no idea if that's ever going to be possible. And I hate it so much" he said and there was silence again. Not so heavy now, telling her about Finn really helped, it seemed.

"You... You don't know that. But I can say from my experience that sometimes, when you encounter someone on the road, you just keep bumping into them even though it seems so ridiculously unlikely to happen. You never know who's heading into the same direction right know. And who's heading specifically into _your_ direction."

Sean chuckled lightly. Well, it seemed right for him and Finn so far. First at the christmas market... then again, California. And the hospital. _Maybe I will find him in my cell when they lock me up in prison_, he thought, his smile turning more grim. "I wish I could talk to him, somehow, tell him I... But it seems to much of a risk." he admitted, rubbing his right eye. They finished their cigs and it seemed like their conversation was also coming to an end. For now, at least.

"We can of a way to reach him later, you know" she said, looking at him. He wasn't sure if she really meant it, but... it felt good to hear it.

"Thanks, Karen"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We can think of a way to reach him later, you know" Karen told him before. He didn't really believe her then, even though he really wanted to.
> 
> set after the end of episode 4

Sean couldn't recall the last time he felt so good.

The breeze felt chilly on his skin, ground beneath him was full of small rocks, making it hard to find a comfortable way to seat, and his feet felt quite cold in the water. And yet he didn't care, because he had his favourite person right by his side. Finn was smiling at him, his eyes sparkling with joy. He knew he was the cause of his enjoyment, and it made him feel this indcredible warmth inside.

"What's so funny, sweetie?" Finn asked him, and Sean realized he probably had the most stupid grin on his face. He didn't really care, though.

"Nothing. Just... feeling good, you know?" he answered, turning his face towards the other.

"Oh, yeah? And what is the cause of this feeling? Asking from pure curiosity"

"More likely 'who' is the cause"

"Wow, is this someone I should know about?" Finn kept teasing him, moving closer to him. He could feel his warm breath on his face. It smelled mostly of weed and beer, but ever since they met these two become much more enjoyable to his senses.

"Well, he's the sweetiest guy I know, that's first..." he leaned a bit closer as well, not really trying to be convincing in his act. He liked this game of theirs, though.

"Really? Sounds like a real catch, you must tell me more about him"

"With pleasure" he said, reaching for Finn's hand and lacing their fingers together. "He always knows how to make me feel better. Whenever I feel down, he's always wiling to make a stupid joke... or fix me a perfect joint"

"He's got some really important skills, I have to admit" Finn chuckled lightly, shaking his shoulders a bit so they would brush against Sean.

"He really does... As well as a pair of beautiful eyes" he continued and it seemed like he was making Finn blush a tiny bit. That was kinda rare. "And cute soft lips that can make the most perfect smile" he added, letting his gaze slip to said lips.

"I bet they must feel just so fucking great to kiss" Finn whispered.

"Yeah... they do"

"Then what are you waiting for?" There was a familliar dare in Finn's voice. Sean smiled, and his lips softly bruhed against the other's. They were so close.

"Nothing" he whispered, more confident than ever. And then they kissed, finally. He moaned softly into their kiss. Their noses were in the way, as well as Finn's dreadlocks, but neither of them cared enough to stop.

"Wow... Such a player, Diaz" he said after they broke apart for a moment. "I knew you had it in ya" he added, laughing. He sounded so happy which made Sean even happier. He had no idea it was possible. Instead of responding with words, he just let his head rest on the other's shoulder, looking at the evening sky. Finn hugged him from the side and placed a small peck on his forehead. It was pure perfection. Then he felt Finn's lips brush against his ear, breathing a bit shakily. But in this soft, emotional way that could be scary, but also very promising.

"I love you so much" he whispered right into his ear. And there was nothing more Sean wanted to do than to say the same. But when he turned his face to let those words leave his mouth, there was noone to hear him. His friend disappeared, right from his embrace. He was all alone.

***

He woke up in the dim light of another motel room, once again. He covered his face with both of his hands, breathing heavily. There was again. On the road, all by himself... He wanted to cry himself to sleep. It wouldn't be the first time in last few months. But as he turned to bury his face in the pillow, he felt someone on the bed. He saw the dark hair, stll quite shaggy even after an altar boy chaircut. He couldn't see the face, but he didn't have to. All of the memories of last few days came back to him in a rush. Desert, fucking creepy church with it's crazy-ass leader. Seeing Daniel. Getting beat up by altar boy. Meeting Karen, then talking with her... a lot. Finding Jacob, then breaking into crazy cult lady's office with Jacob, Karen setting a fire for distraction, Daniel struggling with his decisions n the church... Then more fire, he got beaten up once again, he could definitely feel it, like his bruises had brusies of their own by now. But they got away. Revered Mother tried to stop them, but once back together, the two of them were unstopabble. _Well... there's three of us now, I guess_.

He couldn't see Karen in the room right now and a small, still very much wounded part of him recalled the same fear he felt back when he was just a kid. The fear of losing his mother... But he trusted her now. He knew that she wouldn't just abandon them like that. Not again. _Maybe she's smoking or went to grab some food_, he reasured himself and returned his gaze to his little brother. He was so fucking relieved to have him back at his side again. WHen they got into the motel room, they both just fell on the bed, crying. Then they just snuggled together and took a nap. Sean felt like he had enough sleep for now, but didn't want to wake Daniel up yet. He deserved a full night of peaceful sleep.

He got up, very careful not to disturb his brother's sleep. He needed to freshen himself a bit, also clear his thoughts. Memory of his dream was starting to fade away, but not his pain nor his longing for Finn. Heentered the bathroom, walked up to the sink and started just splashing his face with cold water. He wanted it to wash away the image of Finn's face from his mind. _Stop it. You have to be strong for Daniel right now. You wont be safe here forever. Puerto Lobos awaits._

***

It didn't took long for Karen to come back. Meanwhile, he managed to clean his eye again and put on his eye-patch. He was starting to get used to earing it. Daniel was still asleep and he wanted to keep it that way, so as soon as Karen entered the room he signaled her to keep quiet.

"Good, he needs rest" she whispered, nodding slowly and watching his older brother... her younger son with _something_ in her eyes. Then she shooked her head and returned her gaze to Sean. "And hi. Everything alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, hi. It's fine. Heard any news on your way? Seen any cops?" he asked in return. Maybe it would be funny for him, the fact that their welcomes and small-talks since they joined forces to save Daniel were mostly about cops, crazy cult people or any other bastards that would like to cause them any trouble. But it was serious.

"Not much. I think we're safe here for tonight"

"That's good. I... don't really feel like chilling now. But I don't want to think about what to do next either..." he confessed. It felt a bit strange, opening up to Karen like that.

"I might have some other issue for you, but first... mind to join me outside? For a smoke? Fuck, I might need more than one now" she offered and Sean gladly accepted. He could really use a smoke right now. _Wonder what she means, though._

Soon they both quietly left for the balcony. Karen reached for her pack and pulled two cigarettes, for both of them. He lighted his with Dad's lighter, as usual and offered it to Karen as she was apparently lacking her own, looking for it through her pockets.

"Thanks" she said. He looked at her as she used it and then held it in her hand for a while, a soft smile appearing on her face. He imagined himself to make the exact same impression whenevr he was using it as well. As painful it could be to remember Dad, it was also bringing good memories of his lost life in Seattle. _All of it seem so far away now_.

They stayed quiet for a while, enjoying the warm afternoon and a moment to ease their minds. Both of them definitely needed it.

"I also brought some food. Didn't exactly know what Daniel likes to eat, but I figured..." she spoke, but he waved his hand.

"It's fine. We both got used to eating whatever was available while on the road... We even kinda learned what berries to eat in the forest. Though here it's not really the most useful skill" he responded, pointing at the deserted landscape. Karen chuckled, smoke leaving her lungs in a short spurt.

"That's for sure"

"He still loves to have some Choc-o-Crisps whenever he has a chance, though"

"Really?" she raised her eyebrows "Well, I got some of those, so..."

"Then better get ready to be worshipped when he wakes up" he joked, although they both winced at that comment. After all the church-shit they encountered here, it... wasn't that funny.

"If it will make him feel better, it's enough" she responded, and for a while they returned to smoking in silence. It felt really nice to be able to do it with some company once again. _Except her, the last person I smoked with was Finn... _he thought, pain coming back to his thoughts. _Wait... Actually, no. Me and Joey managed to take a quick poof once in a while, back there... Wow. I wonder how he's doing. I hope noone suspected he helped me. _The memory of a friend (he wasn't sure if he could really call Joey his friend, but... he hoped he could) brought smile back to his face.

"Lost in your thoughts?" Karen asked. He looked at her, a bit surprised. Usually she wasn't the one to break the silence... though he couldn't really say he knew all of her habits after those three days.

"Huh? No, just... I remembered Joey, a nurse from the hospital. He used to smuggle me some cigs whenever we had a chance... He was the only person back there who seemed to actually care for me, even in slightest. It helped, a lot" he said and she nodded slowly.

"You surely needed it the most at the time. Glad there was someone who could offer any kind of support, even in those small ways"

"Well, it didn't really end at bringing me cigs and extra food. Thanks to him I got the journal and found the note from Jacob... And he actually helped me bail out of there" he told her and she raised her eyebrows once again, even higher this time.

"That's... Yes, that's a lot more help than cigarettes. Can I ask how did you escape, then?"

"Uh, yeah, sure..." he said, scratching his head a little. They finished smoking by now, but he didn't really feel like returning inside yet. "It was supposed to be my last day there anyway. Cops decided that I was healthy enough to stand trial or whatever, so that was shit. But the actual reason I needed to get out was the note from Jacob. I had an actual hint of where Daniel could be and I... had to try and find him. I waited for the night, but there was a cop at my door, like, the whole time. I could try to escape by the window but I wasn't sure if it would work, despite the chance of breaking my fucking neck if I fell... So I called Joey. By the remote thingy by the bed, you know. He appeared and the cop went for a break, so it already seemed not so hopeless. I told him I know where Daniel is and I need to bail... And he agreed to help me. Not at once, of course... But he did agree in the end, and that's important. I had to hit him hard, I mean he told me to! So cops wouldn't accuse him of helping me or anything. Anyway, I smashed in the head and got out. And on my way out I found Finn... But I already told you about it"

He got quiet once again. Here it was again... Memory of this beautiful boy couldn't just leave his mind. Like it attached itself to him. _More like I attached myself to Finn. I fell hard, fucking shit. _Then, he felt a hand touching his back. Softly and ready to reatreat, but yes, it was there. he looked at Karen and the look on her face was... reassuring. He didn't make any real gesture to show his 'acceptance' for her support, but it seemed like she understood the message and rubbed his shoulder slowly.

"He's in trouble with the police as well after the heist, right?" she asked. He wasn't sure why it was important now, but also had no reason to keep that to himself at this point.

"Yes, but I don't think they've put him under that much surveilance. His leg was injured, I think...So it's not like he can run away anytime soon. And he isn't accused of killing a cop, just for the farm. He's not as fucked as me, I guess." he answered. She nodded slowly.

"Do you trust him?" she asked all of a sudden and Sean's body kinda jolted.

"What?!" he asked, louder than he intended too. There was noone around though and Daniel was still asleep, luckily. "Wha-what do you mean? Where did that come from?" he asked, kinda nervous and also irritated, actually. He knew Karen probably didn't mean anything bad by asking him this, but still, he felt alerted in some way he couldn't quite understand now. Like he needed to explain Finn, protect him. Like Karen wouldn't approve of their... relationship? He had no idea what they were, even before the heist. Well, _especially _before the heist.

"Do you trist him? Do you think he wouldn't give any information about you and Daniel if you asked him not to?" she repeated herself, slowly and calmly. They looked each other in the eyes... or eye. Sean wasn't sure where it was leading to, but so far Karen gave him no reason to hide anything from her. _Except most of my life, but... that's the past, I guess._

"I do. He's not the most... responsible person, but he's not selfish. And he's not a coward. He wouldn't risk our safety for his own gain" he said. Karen raised her eyebrows a bit at the last part and he almost hated her for that. "I know what you're thinking. But the heist... That shit was different. He wouldn't betray us" he said, truly confident in his belief. _I know he wouldn't. _"But hat this is all about? I mean, I told him back at the hospital I was heading for Nevada and I haven't seen any cops looking for us here yet. He doesn't know anything more, so if you're not going to tell me there's a way to contact him, I think you should-" he almost started to rant, but Karen was holding something in her hand. He blinked few times, almost paralyzed, his mouth gaping.

It was a cell phone.

She was handing it to him.

He looked at her face again. _What the actual fuck, Karen? _He tried to say somethng, but there was only a gasp that left his mouth. "What is this? When... What?"

"A burner phone. It won't be safe to use for long, but I figured you may two may need it. I will tell you more later, I got some tips from my own experiences on the road... But now let's think of a safe way to contact your..." she started, but then stopped. He was still standing there with both his mouth and his eye wide open. "...Finn. Sean? Are you okay? Is it too much right now?" she rested her hand on his shoulder again, but he didn't move even by an inch.

A phone. He could use it... to call Finn. He could hear his voice again. Talk to him... Tell him so many things he was supposed to say last time. He could actually do that.

And all thanks to Karen.

"I-yes. Yes, I'm fine, it;s just... unexpected. Like, fucking hell Karen, why didn't you say... Shit" he spoke finally, though he couldn't really speak clearly. _I'm going to speak to him again._

"I'm sorry, I wanted to be careful. I know you're not careless when it comes to your safety, I really do. Aaand I was afraid you would get too excited and wake Daniel up And from what you both told me, Daniel would like to hear from Finn as well and, you know..." she explained herself, smiling softly. That was really nice of her. He didn't really expect that. Not at all.

"Sure, yeah, I get it. I mean, you could tell me right as we left the room, but yeah, it's fine... It's great actually. Thanks... Thank you, really. So much" his mind started to feel less woozy. A tiny bit.

"No problem, Sean"

He wasn't sure how to react next. _I could... hug her, I guess, but... Ugh, I don't know. It's a fucking lot_, he thought. He finally took the phone from her, holding it with shaking hands, careful as if it was going to blow up. "S-so how... Let me think. Finn doesn't really have a phone, and I can't really call the hospital asking for him, that would be _really fucking dumb_." he said, rubbng his forehead and then leaning on the wall. Thinking was too hard for him right now.

"And what about the nurse? The one that helped you?" she suggested, standing towards him, leaning on the railing.

"Joey? Well... I don't have his number either. But maybe... Let me think" he said. _I can call the hospital and ask for Joey, but that's also kinda risky. Even if the cops believed I attacked him... But maybe if someone else called? And asked about him? He was nursing many other patients with sight problems, I think. He was talking about it few times. And if we could reach him that way, he could help me talk to Finn. _He straightened up and looked at her. She was still looking at him, patiently waiting.

"I think I got something, but... I'm not sure. So, you could call the hospital reception and ask for Joey. I'm almost sure his name was Peterson, anyway, you could say your grandma or whatever was his patient once... and she forgot how to clean her eye that was wounded? Or something like that?" she explained his idea to her as she listened, with full attention.

"And if that works, he can help you get to Finn. Yeah, that's something" she agreed.

'Really? You think it will work?" he asked, maybe a tiny bit too desperate. He didn't really care now.

"I do. But we need to be very careful. I need some kind of signal that will make Joey understand that you're with me. It can't be too obvious, in case someone else would be listening. Something you two talked about, an inside joke f you had one, maybe"

Sean closed his eye, thinking, trying to remember all his conversations ith Joey. Most of them happened during a smoke... or during testing his sight. He grinned, finding the right memory in his mind.

"I'm a pirate" he said and quickly added, to spare Karen any more confusion "I said that during one ofe the tests... As a joke. Nevermind, I think he will get it"

"That'll do_"_

***

They didn't call immadietely after figuring out a plan. Daniel was still sleeping, but as Karen went to bathroom he grabbed one soda she bought and emptied it quieckly. he was stressed out as _fuck_. But he didn't have that much hope in him since found Jacob's note in the journal. _But what if Joey's not at work today? What if he won't get the hint? What if he won't want to help me more? He already did so much... And what if Finn... doesn't feel the same now? When I saw him through that windows, it was so unexpected. Maybe he just felt emotional, maybe he-_

He didn't realzed when Karen walked to him, so he almost jumped when he fell her hand on his shoulder. It still felt kinda weird, feeling her touch.

"So... you ready?" she whispered. He wasn't. Not at all. But at the same time, he needed it so fucking much, so he nodded quickly. "Then let's get to it" she said and they went to the balcony once again, sneaking past sleeping Daniel. Outside he pulled the phone out from his pocket (it felt so weird to caryy one inside again) and handed it back to Karen. They'd already found the number for the hospital reception online. Now they just had to... get on with their plan. And hope it will work out.

She gave him one least reassuring look as she picked the number. They waited for the receptionist to pick up. It probably took no more than two minutes, but for Sean it felt like hours. _If I hear a single more fucking *beep*, I will_-

Then they picked up.

He leaned closer to hear the lady speaking, but he couldn't catch the first sentence.

"Good morning, Judy Johnson speaking, my mother... Oh, sorry, it's kinda windy here, I'm on a walk with my dog, but I forgot to call earlier and I would probably forget later if I didn't call now..." she started talking quickly and Sean had to admit he was quite impressed. She was blabbing so casually, he already felt a little sorry for the receptionist who, as he imagined, had to listen to a whole lot of calls like that that weren't even acted on.

"But sorry, I'm bragging. My mother, Patricia, was once nursed by one of your employees, Joey... Joey... Honey, do you remember? Joey's surname?" she took him by surprise as she looked at him, with almost emotionless expression.

"Umm... Pete-" he started quietly, but then she talked on again.

"Yeah, right, Peterson! Sorry, I had to ask my son. I can never remember names, that's just the way it is. Anyway, mum was a patient of his few years ago and she _insisted_ she needed to contact him. You know, she's almost completely blind by now, but she's got her medicine but she never remembers how Joey applied them back there. I tried to do it myself and I'm pretty sure I do it just fine, but I'm sure you know how older people can sometimes act. She can get so stubborn..."

_"I'm sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but Mr. Peterson may be busy now, maybe..." _he heard the poor receptionist, but Karen seemed to not have even started.

"...And she keeps bragging on about how this Joey knew _the best_ way. And maybe he did, I remember he was really nice and mum has good memories of your hospital, which, as you sure know way better than me, is not the most usual case when it comes to older people, they can get irritated quite easily. So if you could somehow get me in contact with Mr. Peterson, I would really, _really_ appreciate it..."

They heard a heavy sigh and then there was a moment of silence. And just as Karen took a breath before starting another round, the lady uickly responed, as if she sensed it.

_"Mr. Peterson is already coming this way, just wait a moment, please_" she said and a pure satisfaction appeared on Karen's face. Sean really wanted to hug her right now.

"Oh, that's so very nice of you. My husband was telling me that it was stupid to call you, that you'd just hang up, but as I said, I remember that place and it's crew as really understanding and sympathetic people-"

_"Joey, I beg you, save me from that woman" _they heard a bit muffled voice of the receptionist and Sean tensed. There it was, the moment of truth. One of them, at least.

_"Yes, Joey Peterson here, how can I help you?" _Joey said. He sounded cheerful, as usual. _That's a relief_.

"Hello, Judy Johnson here. My mother, Patricia, was a patience of your couple of years ago... I can't remember when it was exactly, um, honey! Honey, when did grandpa go to the hospital to cure her eye?" she looked at him again, and then laughed. "Yeah, sure honey, you are. Sorry about it, it's my son. He just yelled "I'm a pirate", he's like that sometimes..." she added and then waited for a moment. There was a moment of silence.

_"Rrrright, sure. Excuse me for a moment..." _they heard _"I think this one will take a moment, I will talk to her inside there" _he said, probably to someone else, perhaps the receptionist as his voice was muffled a bit. It took a while, they heard some ruffle and then a door closing.

"Mr. Peterson? Are you there? Can I talk now?" she asked, still in her role, though there was something in her tone, omething else.

_"Yes. It's quiet here, no one will bother us" _he answered, a bit nervous. _"Maybe I could talk to your, um, mother, Mrs. Johnson? About her eye? Is there with you?"_

"Of course. She trusts you deeply, I hope you can help" she said and it sounded almost like a threat. Karen was a badass, that's for sure. She handed the phone to Sean and he took it quickly.

_"Hello?" _he heard and smiled softly, hearing the familiar voice better now. But... was he supposed to pretend he was an old lady now or hat? It seemed like Karen knew what was he thinking, as she waved her hand and shook her head.

"Hello, Joey" he said "How's your head?" He heard a laughter, the same one that made his hospital days a little better each day.

_"It's fine, seriously. It all wen't almost surprisingly smooth. But after some questions, I was free to go. I guess it looked very much real"_

Sean laughed quiely as well. "I'm very glad. I..."

_"Please, don't worry. And I'm quite sure you can speak plainly... At least when it comes to my side. Are you... alright there? With that lady?" _Joey really sounded concerned. Maybe she did actually scare him in the end. Sean looked at her, looking for confirmation. She nodded slowly. It was risky, but well, he trusted Joey.

"Yes, it's realy fine. I promise." he chuckled a bit "So... Im really glad you're okay." he said, slowly.

_"You need a favor, right?_" he said. Sean was quiet for a moment. And then Joey laughed again._ "It's fine, don't worry. I will do my best. I can't promise anything, but I'll try. But first, tell me... did you find him?"_

"I did. We're safe, for now. I can't say anything more, sorry"

_"Don't be. I guess it's better for me to not know too much. And... I'm really glad you called. I was worried. But, we shouldn't waste any time. What do you need? I can't promise anything but... I already said that, didn't I? Sorry, it's stressing me out, a bit. "_

Sean took a deep breath. Joeyy was right - they shouldn't talk too long. He didn't want to risk getting caught. Not before talking to Finn.

"Finn McNamara. He's a patient of yours and... I need to talk to him. Can you help me?" he asked. With every second he could feel the doubt, the lack of answers, the whole world seemed like it could fall to pieces right away - all depending on Joey's answer. A simple yes or no. _Please, say "yes", Joey._

And he did.

***

"...and then Chris showed us the way through the forest, so we could escape" Daniel said, sitting on the bed with Karen. All three of them were after 'dinner' and Daniel was very excited to tell their whole story to Karen, especially after he got his Choc-o-Chip. Sean was sitting on the other bed, glad to hear his younger brother so full of life again. He wasn't in the exact best mood to tell stories himself, but looking at those two spending time with each other made him feel warmer inside. _Just... don't get too used to this. We'll have to split up at some point. But not yet. For now, let him spend as much time he needs with her._

It was 4:38 PM. he kept checking the time every few minutes, losing his patience. At five o'clock he was supposed to call the number Joey gave him. The plan wasn't as complicated as he feared. Finn had some kind of rehabilitation at five and he was supposed to be out of his room then. Joey said it was the easiest way to reach him and get him somewhere where they could talk. Joey warned him they would have 15 minutes at best, but still. He had a chance to speak with Finn again. _Fucking hell, what am gonna say?_

He wasn't sure whether to tell Daniel about calling Finn or keep it in secret, but decided it wasn't fair to hide it from his younger brother. He cared for Finn as well and deserved to know. He was afraid Daniel would get too excited, but he took it quite calmly. He wasn't sure how much Daniel already knew about him and Finn, but it seemed like he understood Sean needed to talk to him in private. Although, Sean promised him to let him at least say hello. _If it all works out, anyway. I hope it does._

Time was passing painfully slow, as he kept glancing between his phone, the wall and his brother talking with Karen. She was glancing towards him once in a while as well and she seemed... genuinely happy. All of it was a bit scary to Sean. He didn't want to hope for too much, he learned it was dangerous in many awful ways. But the memories and dreams of a complete, happy family were coming back to him. _Well, almost complete. It will never be the same without Dad. But... it's still nice. Me and Daniel are enough, we're family no matter what and we stick together. But Iit's nice to have her around. Until we head to Puerto Lobos._

He looked at his phone screen again. _4:53 PM. It's time, I guess._ He stood up and both Daniel and Karen looked at him.

"So... I'm gonna call Joey in the bathroom. So Daniel, if you want to..." he started, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"No, I'm good. But you will let me talk to Finn before you end the call, right?" the boy reminded him, obviously trying not to sound too excited. Part of him was glad Daniel was acting a bit more mature right now, but at the same time he missed his whining and childish excitement. He hoped it was going to come back. _He went through a lot... but he's far too young to just grow up. Not yet._

"I will, _enano_, don't you worry. And I'm sure Finn won't let me hang up before he gets a chance to talk to you" he reassured him, placing his hand on his brother's head and messing with his hair a bit. Daniel swatted his hand, but laughed. "That is, if he picks up..." he added then, his doubts reaching him once again.

"Why wouldn't he? He still likes us, doesn't he?" Daniel ask with pure desperation in his puppy eyes.

"I... Yes, of course he does" he answered, forcing a reassuring smile.

"It's going to be all right, Sean. Don't worry" Karen said.

'Thanks, Karen... So, I will let you know when I get to Finn, Daniel" he said and headed to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and pulled his phone from his pocket. 4:59 PM.

Was he ready?

_Nope._

He looked at his reflection in the mirror. His eyepatch have slided a bit, so he pulled it up, but it seemed like there was still something wrong with it. He pulled it off and washed his face quickly. _What am I even doing? He's not going to see me. And if, would he even care?__ Fucking hell, just call them._

So he did, before he could change his mind. He took a deep breath as he waited for Joey to pick up. _It's going to be just fine. Joey will pick up, then you will talk to Finn, you'll tell him you and Daniel are safe... And you will tell him you miss him so much. Or... you won't. Depends. It's okay if he wants to be just friends, I want that too. It would be great to be just friends, I just hope we stay in touch, somehow. It would be nice if he wanted something more, though, so-_

_"Hello?"_ he heard Joey's voice. He sounded quite calm. There was some edge to his voice, but seemed not as stresfull as during their first 'secret call'. Still, they had their planned 'signal', which seemed stupid to Sean now, but he guessed it wouldn't hurt to be safe.

"Um, hello. It's me. Just wanted to ask, um, how many times am I supposed to clean the wound?" he asked. _Ugh, why didn't we think of something simpler? Like one-word password. The pirate thing seemed to be just fine last time..._

_"Oh, of course. Four times a day should be just fine"_ Joey sounded a bit awkward as well. Maybe he regretted it too. But he gave the correct answer. _So... it means he..._ "_We're good. Your friend is right here with me, so... I'm gonna leave you two now. But please, be quick. I got us like fifteen minutes at best" _he continued quickly. He released his breath he had no idea was holding back.

"Shit, Joey, thank you so-"

"No problem, man. I mean, a bit, but it doesn't matter now. I'm passing the phone to you friend now" he interrupted him and then there was some movement on the other sound. A moment of silence, and then...

A single breath.

He recognized it immadietely.

"Finn."

_"Sean? Fuck, shit, it's really you, is it?" _he sounded surprised. But also relieved, and hopeful and, overall, the exact way Sean felt right now.

"Yeah, dude, it's... It's me." he said, quietly, as if he feared all of the emotions would just burst out of him if he didn't keep his voice down.

_"It's so fucking good to hear you, man, I-"_

"I found him" he interrupted him and then felt a strong urge to hit his own stupid fucking head against the wall. _What the actual fuck, let him talk, you idiot!_

_"You- oh... Shit, that's great! How is he doing? The wound, I mean. And everything else? What happened?"_ Finn sounded truly excited and curious, but Sean still felt like an idiot.

"He's fine now. The wound was taken care of by... other people. They took care of him, but also... Well, the important thing is, we're back together. We're safe for now. I won't let anyone else use him again" he said. He felt like it was too much. _I should just shut up. _And then he realized the choice of words he used in the last sentence. "Fuck, I didn't mean... There was this fucking creepy cult thing, their leader thought he was some kind of angel, it was really fucked up" he explained quickly.

_"Wait, seriously? Fucking hell, I guess... you guys really attract a special kind of people" _he mumbled, laughing weakly, but it sounded forced. Sean didn't like that.

"Finn... I told you, it's not your fault, you didn't mean to-" he wasn't sure if he was trying to apologize, calm him down, cheer him up or what, but he definitely felt a desperate need to make sure Finn felt good.

_"I know, I remember our quick chat. I... really appreciated it. I would hate to have to let you go without any kind of goodbye" _he spoke, softer and warmer. Warm enough to melt Sean's heart.

"I... Me too, Finn. It gave me... hope. I needed it to keep going" he told him. _Tell him you missed him. You have to tell him_. But he didn't get a chance.

_"Before we get to the spicy bits, sweetheart, I need to ask you something_" he heard and even though he knew it was a joke, it made his face red. _"Will you be honest with me? It's... serious, kinda."_

"Yeah, of course. What is it?" he was a bit worried, he had to admit. But also, some part of him hoped Finn wanted to talk about... them. As the two of them. Together.

_"What have you... told the cops? I mean, about who... came up with the idea. They asked you, didn't they?" _he asked. _Shit... Did he found out? He's... not mad at me about it, is he?_ He took a deep breath. He felt a bit shaky, but he was confident about his answer. He knew he did the right thing. Or maybe he really, really hoped so.

"I said it was my idea. Look, Finn-"

_"Dammit, Sean! Why? It's supposed to be my responsibility. I deserve it, you... you're already in deep shit with the cops, you shouldn't... Shit." _his voice was cracking and Sean couldn't stand to think he caused it. _Explain it to him, he will understand_.

"I know I am. That's why I did it. You... you still have a chance. I don't." he said "I couldn't... let you go to jail again. If you did... how would you visit me and Daniel later in... you know where" he tried to cheer him up. He talked a lot about Puerto Lobos to Finn back in California, but didn't want to mention it right now. Just in case.

_"Really? You would be... cool with that?" _Finn asked, still very emotional. Also, it felt like a _deja vu_ from their talk back at the camp. When they had their first kiss. _If only I could kiss him right know._

"Yes. I would love to see you again... If you're in, of course. You know, no pressure" he chuckled softly and so did Finn.

_"No pressure, of course. And... would you like me to stay there? With you two?" _he asked. _Yes, please. I need you. Daniel would love it too. Please, find me there, please, please, please._

"Well... you said there is many things we could do together. How else would we do them without you staying?" he managed to speak after a while. That was smooth. He was kinda proud of himself. _Shut up_.

_"Oh, sweetie, you have no idea how long is that list" _Finn almost purred and Sean was red all over his face again.

"You made a list, did you?" he managed to keep cool. Kinda cool, at least. His voice was definitely cracking a bit, out of excitement.

_"Didn't you, honey?"_

His face even redder now. _'Honey'? It's so awful, but... Shit, I want to hear more_, he thought. But as he thought about his... Finn's question, he realized he kinda had a list. A different one. _Tell him. Tell him everything._

"Finn... I just wanted you to know, I... miss you so fucking much, man. I-" his voice cracked _hard_ and he felt so weak. "I guess it's obvious by now. I mean, I hope you realized" he continued, almost whispering into the phone. There was a soft chuckle on the other side again.

_"Have I realized you missed me? Well, you somehow managed to get that nurse to help you call me, so I guess you're still under my charm" _he teased him, but Sean felt like there was some unspoken question hidden there.

"Yeah, I can't deny you that, man. But also... I wanted to" he was stuttering. _Just say it, dumbass_. "Like, when we spoke last time... I mean, you..." he groaned loudly. _Why can't I just say it? I want to, I want it so much..._

_"What are you afraid of, Sean?" _he heard a familliar question. _Nothing_.

"I love you, Finn"

There was a moment of silence.

_Oh, shit._

_Say something. Apologize to him, now. Make some excuse._

_Or don't. Just let it go. Don't make it more awkward._

_Holy fuck why won't he say anything?_

Then there was a knock on the door. He almost dropped the phone, but also was very glad for something to break this... whatever it was.

"Sean? Do you remember? Is Finn on the phone?" Daniel asked and Sean walked to the door. _Bless you, enano_.

"Yeah, we're talking. I will come out in a sec" he called to him "Sorry, it's Daniel. I promised him he could talk to you as well" he explained to Finn, trying to sound casual. Didn't work even in slightest.

_"Oh, sure, I'm ready for the little guy. But first, Sean?" _he said and he couldn't tell if that last question gave him more hope or fear.

"Y-yes, Finn?"

_"I love you too. So fucking much"_

...

_Oh shit, oh fuck._

"Oh fuck, oh shit"

_"Eloquent, I see"_

"Shut up!" he almost yelled at the phone, but heard Finn laughing and then he started to laugh too. "Geez, for a while I thought..."

_"I'm sorry, sweetie. I just...I hoped to hear that from you. But still, I didn't expect it. But I meant it, truly. The last time and now as well"_

"I wanted to say the same back there, but I... I couldn't. It was too much. I'm sorry"

_"Don't be. You made me happy now. Really" _he said and there was nothing Sean wanted to hear more. _"But I think our time is running out and as much as I like you keeping me to yourself, I think Daniel deserves something too"_

Sean laughed. "Yeah, he will be a pain in the ass otherwise" he admitted.

_"Don't worry though. I'm still yours only, honey" _he heard as he was opening the door. _Damn you, Finn_, he thought as he had to face both Daniel and Karen with his ears hot and red.

"I won't, I promise... And here goes Daniel" he said, passing the phone to his brother.

"Finn!" he said, almost jumping on the bed as he got the phone. He couldn't exactly hear what Finn was talking, but even the muffled sound of his voice was enough to make Sean smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. All of us are fine now. How about you?" Daniel asked and Sean glanced at Karen in the meantime. She was leaning against the wall, smiling lightly. She was looking at him and he felt like she was trying to read his expression. Which probably wasn't hard, as he couldn't stop smiling. _Can she stop? It's embarassing._

"What? Already?" Daniel whined and Sean gave him a look. _So we have to hang up... Dammit. It's hard. _"Oh, fine... But wait, let me get you on speaker!" he said and so he did. Now he heard Finn laugh louder.

_"Allright then, laddie. So, you both keep safe there. I believe in you guys. I promise we will see each other again, and... Daniel, don't let your handsome old bro forget about little ol' me, okay?"_

"Yeah, sure, Finn. But I'm sure he won't. He was really focused on calling you whole day" Daniel said, looking a bit confused. Sean rolled his eyes and was almost sure Karen chuckled silently.

_"Awesome, let's keep it that way! Bye, guys. I love you"_

"Bye, Finn!" Daniel answered happily.

"'Til the next time, Finn" Sean promised and Finn hang up. It hurted a bit, but he felt so warm at the same time. Daniel leaned to hug him, and he gladly hugged him back. He wasn't sure which one of them needed it more now, but it didn't really matter. _I already miss that son of a bitch._

After they pulled apart, Daniel quickly went to the bathroom. _I guess he did actually need to go when I asked. Well, what a surprise_. He stayed there for a while, looking at the phone screen in silence.

"So... Need a cigarette break?" he heard from behind.

"Yes, that would be great" he answered before turning to face Karen. THey both left for the balcony again, pulled two cigarettes, lightened them and puffed in silence.

"Glad it worked out. I hope you got what you needed" she spoke after a while.

He looked at her, still lost in his thoughts. _She... didn't have to do any of that. Helping me save Danie, helping us run away, helping me reach Joey and Finn. But she did all of it. _

He was so glad they found each other again.

"Yes, I did... And I wouldn't do it without you" he said. She placed her hand on his shoulder, caressing it slowly and smiling softly. He leaned into the touch, uncertain at first. But then he felt the need to just... be close to her. So he hugged her. And as she hugged him back, he said what he needed to say.

"Thank you, mum"

**Author's Note:**

> would be nice to know your opinions, so feel free to share them
> 
> //i've decided just now that i will split it to two chapters, it became longer than i expected. just so you know, y'know?


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